From the childhood that brought you shivering superpowers and banana based family portraits I give you: ‘Tobacco Bats’
Back in ol’ Virginny when I was a lad we went to visit my great granddad on his 98th birthday. Grampa Jervis was still spry and rail thin but sadly had gone completely blind at some point. He was also cold all the time and kept a shawl over his shoulders that draped down like a shroud. Granny had knitted it with a hood on it in case his bald old head got cold too. That day he greeted us at the door with that 1000 yard stare you get when you can’t see and his arms thrown out wide for a hug. He knew we were coming and hollered at me ‘C’mon on in boy! But I, the chubby little boy who watched too much scary TV at night knew what he was looking at with its bald head and tight skin and a cape all furled around him, I was lookin’ at a vampire! I’d seen them on the TV, I knew what they were! So instead I ran off out back of his farmhouse and looked for someplace to stay hidden till it was time to go home.
Anyway, after a bit it was getting on to evening and my family showed no sign of coming out, drained of blood or otherwise. I was eventually distracted by some puppy dogs who were basically living out of the barn and I wandered in to see what they were up to. And there, up in the rafters, were these long dark shapes. I didn’t think bats could get that big! Some of them had to be 6 foot or more! I could hear soft rustling now and then as they shifted in their sleep. Oh Lordy, was I scared! I’d been right about that vampire thing all along!
I backed up slowly, silently, and found the edge of the door, turned and ran screaming back to the pickup truck and locked myself in. Just when I had nearly convinced myself I was wrong that my grandad had become a vampire I see his whole family nesting up in the old barn out back! A lot of praying went on I can tell you, and I KNEW my immediate family was already dead and the thought of my eventual ruination brought me to tears.
Well, that lasted all of about 30 seconds cause my dad came out of the house when he heard the truck door slam and yelled at me to get myself inside and say howdy. ‘Great.’ I thought, he would be the only one to survive the slaughter. I knew he wouldn’t buy the vampire story so I told him I was hiding in the truck cause the barn was full of bats. He wasn’t having any of my guff. He grabbed me by the shirt collar and marched me around the back and then stood behind me with folded arms. “Show me.” He demanded. I pointed up into the dark and whispered ‘Up there. Don’t wake them…”. He squinted up into the shadows and said ‘“Where? In the tobacco?” I shot a look at his face to see if he was joking then slowly looked back up into the rafters of the old barn. “You…you see tobacco?” I’d never seen tobacco anywhere but in a cigarette before so I wasn’t completely convinced. But my dad had all he could stomach of my foolishness and herded me back to the house, pushing me inside where my family was all sitting round having a nice little visit. My grandpa asked why I hadn’t come in before and my dad snorted: ‘He thought he saw bats in your tobacco barn.’
“Oh yes.” GrampaGreat Jervis said, “There’s bats out there, bigguns too!’ That tobacco has hung out there for years now, no good to anyone but them bats!“
I was left to contemplate tobacco-chewing bats while the family laughed at my discomfort. That’s when I discovered I needn’t have been afraid of a vampire Grandpa, he didn’t have any teeth to start with!
keep doin’ what you’re doin!
FLASH JERVIS